Halloween: The Musical!
by The-Magnificent-Jiggy-Sock
Summary: Michael Meyers, Laurie, and Dr.Loomis star in Halloween: The Musical!


Halloween: The Musical  
  
(The stage is dark. A spotlight is turned on, and we see Michael Meyers is standing inside of it. He begins to sing.)  
  
MICHAEL:  
  
I am just a poor man  
  
With a machete full of love  
  
I kill to be happy  
  
And I'm happy to kill  
  
Is there room in my black heart for love?  
  
(All the lights turn on, revealing a bunch of dancers. The music begins to speed up)  
  
MICHAEL:  
  
Oh, IT'S HALLOWEEN!  
  
Time for dancing and murder!  
  
I'll cut, cut cut  
  
Until I'm caught, caught, caught  
  
It's Halloween, the killingest time of the year  
  
BACKUP SINGERS:  
  
It's Halloween!  
  
The Killingest time of the year!  
  
MICHAEL:  
  
I'll grab my facourite knife  
  
And cut, cut, cut, cut, cut  
  
Until the morning light!  
  
BACKUP SINGERS:  
  
He'll cut, cut, cut, cut, cut  
  
Until the morning light!  
  
MICHAEL:  
  
But all is not well on Halloween.  
  
Dr. Loomis is free, looking for me!  
  
The police are searching, high and low!  
  
But who are they kidding?  
  
They can never catch me!  
  
(Dr.Loomis enters the stage. He begins to rap.)  
  
DR.LOOMIS:  
  
Michael, Michael you dirty little man  
  
You must stop the killing, I'm not a fan  
  
You've killed your sister, with a knife  
  
C'mon now Michael, get a damn life  
  
I'm Dr. L, here to say  
  
You'll never get away this in the US of A  
  
(Michael stabs him)  
  
MICHAEL:  
  
IT'S HALLOWEEN!   
  
THE KILLINGEST TIME OF THE YEAR!  
  
(The music stops and the stage clears. Laurie enters, and starts to sing.)  
  
LAURIE:  
  
Oh Michael, I miss you so  
  
My life is so boring  
  
Without your knife  
  
And even though I died in 8  
  
I'm back, better than before  
  
Ready to take you on again!  
  
(The music begins to speed up)  
  
Michael, oh Michael!  
  
Let's have a fistfight  
  
A duel at dawn  
  
A fight in the night  
  
I'll stab you, shoot you  
  
Blow you away  
  
Let's fight again, maybe today  
  
BACKUP SINGERS  
  
She'll fight you, stab you, blow you away  
  
Fight her tonight, later today!  
  
LAURIE  
  
You're such a coward  
  
To scared and try to kill me again  
  
But bring it on, bitch  
  
I'll stab you in the face  
  
BACKUP SINGERS  
  
Bring it on, bitch  
  
She'll stab you in the face  
  
LAURIE  
  
You may have won in the past, but not anymore  
  
I'll kick you in the face, you dumb little whore  
  
(The song ends, and the stage clears. Michael enters, along with a girl. They sing.)  
  
GIRL:  
  
Oh my god, it's the man himself  
  
Michael Meyers, back from the dead  
  
Why, oh why do I have to die?  
  
MICHAEL:  
  
Please, don't be scared  
  
It'll hurt for a second  
  
But as soon as my knifes stabs you in the face  
  
You won't feel a thing  
  
Except the sharp, stining pain as it jabs into your eye  
  
BACKUP SINGERS:  
  
Except the sharp, stinging pain  
  
GIRL:  
  
Can't you let me live? I'll give you money  
  
I'll give you credit cards, a jar of honey?  
  
I'll give you postcards, bake you a cake  
  
But as soon as you turn around  
  
I'll stab you with a rake!  
  
MICHAEL:  
  
A jar of honey?  
  
Lots of money?  
  
I don't need such things  
  
I just want your blood  
  
And then maybe I'll still your wallet  
  
But that's beside the point!  
  
(Michael stabs her)  
  
MICHAEL:  
  
Hahaha, what a crazy kind of day  
  
Halloween, Halloween  
  
It makes you feel a crazy kind of way  
  
Makes you want to slay, slay, slay  
  
BACKUP SINGERS:  
  
Slay, Slay, Slay, Slay!  
  
MICHAEL:  
  
Grab a knife, and join the fun  
  
Kill a father, kill a son  
  
Have a jolly good old day  
  
Just slay, slay, slay, slay!  
  
BACKUP SINGERS:  
  
Slay, slay, slay, slay!  
  
(Everyone leaves the stage. Laurie enters, and finds Dr.Loomis wounded on the ground.)  
  
DR. LOOMIS:  
  
Oh, Laurie  
  
I'm fine, don't be sad  
  
Michael Meyers, he is bad  
  
He thought he killed me, but I was fine  
  
Hurry hurry, there's still time  
  
We have to catch the madman before the day is done!  
  
LAURIE:  
  
Hurry hurry hurry, catch the crazy guy  
  
He's on the loose again, making people die  
  
Hurry hurry hurry, it's halloween night  
  
The day he came home again, to give us all a fright!  
  
BACKUP SINGERS:  
  
Hurry hurry hurry, catch the crazy guy!  
  
DR.LOOMIS:  
  
Hurry hurry hurry, he's gotten more insane  
  
Something's gone wrong with him, damaged is his brain  
  
Hurry hurry hurry, shoot him in the head  
  
I won't retire, until I see him dead!  
  
BACKUP SINGERS:  
  
Hurry hurry hurry, catch the crazy guy!  
  
EVERYONE:  
  
HURRY HURRY HURRY! CATCH THE CRAZY GUY!  
  
(The stage is cleared off. Michael Meyers enters, he sits on a bench and pulls out a banjo)  
  
MICHAEL:  
  
Why does everyone hate me?  
  
I'm really not so bad  
  
Every year at Halloween  
  
There's just too much fun to be had  
  
Why not just lock me up?  
  
For one day a year?  
  
The rest of the time  
  
I'm as calm as a deer!  
  
BACKUP SINGERS  
  
Why not lock him up, for one day a year?  
  
MICHAEL:  
  
I've got this ancient Pagan curse, that makes me bad inside  
  
But for 364 days a year, I'm really not a bad guy!  
  
The cowboy in black, he makes me kill  
  
He makes me crazy, my mind ill  
  
He's the one on Halloween, that makes me go so bad  
  
Why not just lock me up?   
  
For one day a year!  
  
BACKUP SINGERS:  
  
Why not just lock him up, for one day a year?  
  
COWBOY IN BLACK:  
  
Hahaha, guess who's back?   
  
The pagans are angry, they need more blood  
  
You've got work to do, people to kill  
  
Why not just be controlled?  
  
For one day a year!  
  
MICHAEL:  
  
You bad, bad man!   
  
I hate you so!  
  
The pagans suck  
  
They really blow  
  
Why can't I be free?  
  
For eternity?  
  
Or just lock me up  
  
For one day a year!  
  
BACKUP SINGERS:  
  
Why not just lock him up, for one day a year?  
  
COWBOY IN BLACK:  
  
Shut up. Go kill people.  
  
MICHAEL:  
  
Yeah, ok.  
  
(The stage clears. We see Dr.Loomis and Laurie standing in the old Meyers home.)  
  
DR. LOOMIS:  
  
So this is it, where the madness started  
  
Michael Killed his sister, as a child  
  
Wearing a clown costume, his brain so wild  
  
But this is where the horror ends  
  
Michael's bad, and he will bend  
  
We'll catch him where he started it all  
  
Back in the home, where evil did dwell!  
  
All those years ago!  
  
LAURIE:  
  
We'll catch him where he started it all!  
  
All those years ago!  
  
This house where his sister died  
  
We'll catch his quick, his hands tied  
  
We'll catch him where he started it all!  
  
All those years ago!  
  
BACKUP SINGERS:  
  
All those years ago!  
  
Where evil was born and raised  
  
He killed his sister in cold blood  
  
All those years ago!  
  
DR.LOOMIS:  
  
Oh Michael, you were such a bad boy  
  
All those years ago!  
  
But you grew into a worse man  
  
In the years ahead!  
  
But this will end, today and forever  
  
We'll catch you again,where it all started  
  
Where you killed your sister, as a small child  
  
All those years ago!  
  
BACKUP SINGERS:  
  
All those years ago!  
  
Where evil was born and raised  
  
He killed his sister in cold blood  
  
All those years ago!  
  
(Michael Meyers enters the house, the audience gasps.)  
  
MICHAEL:  
  
So, you've waited here, in my old home  
  
Ready to catch me, and end my fun  
  
Well, you should now  
  
I'm not evil anymore  
  
I've killed the cowboy in black  
  
The pagans are no more!  
  
(Happy music begins to play)  
  
MICHAEL:  
  
From now on, there'll be peace from me  
  
No more blood or violence  
  
Or anything else naughty  
  
From now on, I'll be better than a nun  
  
I'll put down my knife, and have good clean fun  
  
BACKUP SINGERS:  
  
From now on, he's better than a nun  
  
He'll put down his knife, and have some good clean fun  
  
DR.LOOMIS:  
  
Michael, I'm proud of you from now on  
  
You've learned to beat the curse, and have some fun  
  
I'm happy to say, you're no longer certified insane  
  
From now on, you're just having good clean fun  
  
LAURIE:  
  
You're the greatest friend, I could ever ask for  
  
You're no longer killing, you've got ridden of the gore  
  
And though you killed my family and friends, I'm as happy as can be  
  
From now on, you'll be a friend to me  
  
BACKUP SINGERS:  
  
From now on, he's better than a nun  
  
He'll put down his knife, and have some good clean fun  
  
(Michael stabs Dr.Loomis)  
  
MICHAEL:  
  
Hahaha, I was kidding  
  
I'm still evil as can be  
  
I'm worse than the devil himself  
  
I'm the top shelf, of pure evil  
  
I'll gut you, I'll cut you, I'll stab you today  
  
Whatever method I choose, you will pay  
  
I'll shoot you, I'll kick you, I'll pound you in the face  
  
I'm the meanest guy around  
  
In the contest of evilness, I took first place  
  
BACKUP SINGERS:  
  
He's the meanest guy around  
  
In the contest of evilness  
  
He took first place  
  
LAURIE:  
  
Michael, how could you?   
  
I thought you had changed  
  
You were better than a nun  
  
And as safe as a train  
  
But you're still the meanest guy around  
  
You just killed Dr. Loomis  
  
In the contest of evilness  
  
You took first place  
  
DR. LOOMIS:  
  
I'm back, I was kidding again  
  
You could never kill me Michael  
  
You've got bad aim  
  
I know you were kidding  
  
You could never change  
  
You're the meanest guy around  
  
In the contest of evilness  
  
You took first place  
  
BACKUP SINGERS:  
  
He's the meanest guy around  
  
In the contest of evilness  
  
He took first place  
  
(Dr.Loomis shoots Michael)  
  
DR. LOOMIS:  
  
The nightmare is over, once and for all  
  
Michael's dead, he's taken the fall  
  
Through the streets they'll scream and chant  
  
The Mikester is dead, his head full of lead  
  
BACKUP SINGERS:  
  
Through the streets they'll scream and chant  
  
The Mikester is dead, his head full of lead  
  
LAURIE:  
  
Dr.Loomis I love you, please have my kids  
  
You're 40 years older than me, but who cares?  
  
Michael is dead, the curse is now dead  
  
Through the streets I'll scream and chant  
  
Laurie and Loomis have decided to wed!  
  
DR. LOOMIS AND LAURIE:  
  
Through the streets they'll scream and chant  
  
Laurie and Loomis have decided to wed!  
  
(The curtain closes as Dr.Loomis and Laurie kiss)  
  
NEW THIS FALL! YOU'VE SEEN HALLOWEEN: MUSICAL, NOW BUY THE CD! FEATURING SOME OF YOUR FAVOURITE SONGS SUCH AS :  
  
- It's Halloween!  
  
- Let's Fight!  
  
- Slay, Slay, Slay  
  
- Hurry, Hurry, Hurry and catch the crazy guy!  
  
- Why not lock him up?  
  
- All those years ago  
  
- Good Clean Fun  
  
- 1st place in Evilness  
  
- Through the streets they'll scream!  
  
THIS FALL, BRING THE MUSIC HOME! 


End file.
